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About Bender

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit the streets of Strada 31 August, and it was like a scene from a movie. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I was ready to tackle my clients’ financial messes. But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Like, who even leaves a puddle there? I’m soaked, and my mood? Not great.

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